Size 4 Jeans

My husband and I attended his company’s Christmas party in December. It was one of those parties in a nice hotel that started with a cocktail hour and went on with a buffet dinner, and dancing afterwards. The “dress” for the evening was suit and tie for the men, and evening wear for the women, so it was a fine excuse for me to purchase a new dress, have my hair done, and generally be frivolous.

Aside from my own frivolity, I find parties like this to be completely stupid and pointless, and the only reason I go is because my husband is high enough in the company hierarchy that he feels we need to be there, for some completely mysterious reason that I, not having a management degree, don’t understand. Every year, he calls me from the office in mid-November and says “Do you want to go to the Christmas party?” and I say “Why are you asking me this?” Since he feels we need to be there, it’s pretty silly to ask me if I want to go, especially when he knows the answer is a resounding “no!”

What’s wrong with parties like this? Here comes my soapbox recitation: Firstly, every one that I’ve ever been to is “buffet style.” Yuck! Just…YUCK! Even if the food is marginally good, by the time you stand around in the buffet line at least once and haul your plate(s) full of food back to your table it’s more than likely cold, and really, is the food ever better than “marginally good” to begin with? And if the food isn’t marginally good at serving temperature, it’s going to be downright awful cold. And then there’s the issue of touching the same serving utensils that 100 other people have touched whilst filling your plate, and then sitting down to eat your food. Sure, you could head for the restroom to wash your hands between filling your plate and sitting down to eat, but that provides even more time for the food on your plate to chill.

Secondly, assuming you’re lucky enough to be seated with people who have anything interesting to say, the tables at parties of this nature are too large for comfortable conversation with your tablemates, since the tables tend to be round and seat 10-12 people. Even with everyone rubbing elbows like they usually are when cutting their meat, a round table that seats 10-12 in any comfort at all is large enough that talking to anyone not sitting right next to you is a chore, and usually requires raising your voice or even (dare I say) shouting to be heard.

Need I go on? Well, yes I believe I do. Usually the music and the noise level in the room are things only a DJ could love. What ever happened to background music during dinner? As if it isn’t difficult enough to converse during dinner at a table for 12, there has to be dance music blaring at such a level that you can’t hear yourself think, much less other people near you talking at a normal level. So everyone in the room is shouting in between bites of food, and sometimes with food in their mouths, and it just gets louder and louder until it’s just an unintelligible cacophony of useless noise. Some party, eh?

To add to all of this loveliness, there’s always the ubiquitous misbehavior of some of the party goers. People will drink too much and make others uncomfortable as well as make complete asses of themselves. When the alcohol is flowing freely and the food is less than good, and everyone is feeling obliged to be merry because they’re supposed to be having fun, it’s just a natural outcome. People seem to think that it’s okay to be mannerless and let their hair down at functions like these. Well, maybe there are some who have no manners to begin with, but others just have no self control.

In general, dinner parties aren’t what they used to be. Gone are the days when seating arrangements were carefully considered t encourage stimulating conversation, and the environment was conducive and the tables small enough to encourage such conversation. I realize that company parties aren’t exactly easy, since the guest list is comprised of those who “have to be there” and anyone else in the company who wants to show up for whatever reason, but there are things that could be done to reintroduce some style and grace into the evening.

The reintroduction of style and class needs to start with the hotel, and whoever is planning or hosting the event. Smaller tables would be a huge help, as would a seated dinner that is served to diners by wait staff. Hors d’oeuvres served during the cocktail hour are great, and can be helpful in slowing the consumption of alcohol before dinner. Within the company, a person from each department needs to be part of the planning committee to help with seating arrangements. The committee should, as much as possible, try to arrange seating so that people sitting together have a common ground for interesting conversation, that doesn’t have much to do with the work environment. Try to think about people’s outside interests, as well as any potential problems that may exist between employees or their spouses when filling the tables.

When planning the entertainment, instruct the DJ or musicians to provide background music at a reasonable level during the cocktail hour and dinner, so as not to drown out the conversation you’ve so carefully planned for. And while there’s not much you can do about those folks who are bound to drink too much, if the party is elevated to a higher level of class and style through planning and presentation, perhaps fewer people would feel the need to behave inappropriately. If the conversation and food is good and people are having fun, instead of making excuses to run out the door as soon as the dessert table is empty, they’ll stay longer and it will be a company party to remember.

//off soapbox