Size 4 Jeans

Let me be completely clear at the outset: The title of this blog says exactly what I mean. Size 4 Jeans, ’til death do us part. Put simply, I fully intend to be wearing size 4 clothing when I die. I wear a size 4 now, and I expect that it won’t change.

This does not, however, say anything as to why I would call my blog that. The title is a result of a fair amount of convoluted thinking that started when I woke up yesterday morning. It’s difficult to reconstruct the exact stream of consciousness at this point, but in the interest of back story, I’ll give it a go:

I woke up thinking “damn, I really should try to exercise, but I really HATE it. Being 40 probably means that I can’t skate by much longer on metabolism alone, and every year it gets harder to keep my weight where I want it. And yeah, I may be thin, but I’m not fit. But I HATE exercise! Maybe if I started a blog to keep track of the ups and downs, maybe interact with some readers who had the same feelings or could share some new fitness activities, that would motivate me.

“Of course, then there are all the people that look at me and say ‘what do you have to gripe about? You’re thin, you look great!’ like I have less of a right to be conscious of my weight than they do, or the people who say ‘yeah, right, where from?’ when I say I need to lose five pounds if the subject comes up in conversation. That kind of thing really pisses me off. I’m not obsessed about my weight, I’m just conscious of it, and if I’m conscious of this five pounds now I won’t need to lose 20 later. I should be able to say what I like about my weight, without being quiet because I’m in a room full of people who have more to lose than I.”

And that set me off on a whole round of things that I sometimes don’t say because of someone else, things I get irritated about, things I wonder about or have to get out of my system, or things I just want to chat about. I spent an hour or two brainstorming about these types of things, so there’s lots of content waiting to get put on the screen that I won’t talk about on my other blog. No, I’m not telling where that other blog is, because nobody needs to know that. I’m blogging anonymously here at Size 4 Jeans for the time being, but probably forever since I want to be able to say what I want, in any way that I want without worrying about who’s reading, including my mother. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t intend to be mean, that’s not what this is about, but there are things I could say to my mother that she wouldn’t want to hear, and it wouldn’t be good for familial relations. And don’t even get me started on my mother-in-law.

After brainstorming, I figured I needed to condense it all into some sort of recurring theme, if that were possible with the huge amount of subjects I came up with. Size 4 Jeans is it, in a nutshell. While I don’t think I’m obsessed about my weight, you can decide for yourself as time goes on and we get to know each other better. I am conscious of my weight every day, because I make those everyday decisions about what to eat and what to wear. Size 4 Jeans also speaks to my self image, which until I was over 30 wasn’t very good. A lot of my musings will probably be related to these issues, so there it is.

I’ve learned that blogs tend to evolve and change, no matter what your initial plans for them are. As the author, my writing can change, in subject or style, and readership can have a large effect as well. I have plans, but it willl be interesting to see what Size 4 Jeans becomes.